Help....

I need somebody, help!

I've been feeling like complete crap.. Last night n today, just pure unadulterated crap. My heart feels like its breaking from all the hurt its gettin......... i just feel so..... i cant even describe it...

Im not in control of this anymore, its out of my hands n i just dont know what is gonna happen wit us.. :'( i feel so useless, so stupid...

u know i absolutely love the pure thrill of being in control of my pain. why else do u think im fascinated by piercings n tattoos? altho i have no tattoos i think part of why emo ppl get it is to know tat they r in control of their pain, n somehow i totally get that. To know that no one else can hurt u as bad as u can hurt urself is pure assurance. its power and control but most of all, its a shield that u can hold from the rest of the world.

i really think i need to talk to someone. the only person in my family who I'll talk to freely is miles away in a different country.. i want a person who'd care..

*KELS*