She...

...closes her eyes and takes a deep breath..then exhales... 'what do i say?? how do i even begin?' is all she can think of....

On Friday night, her whole family was told that Hannah was not doing well, her breathing and pulse were weak. That night everyone silently bowed their heads and prayed to God for a miracle. They prayed hard for her to also not be in pain anymore. She knew it was hard to pray for that, but she knew that it was the right thing to do... she said amen n went off to sleep only to be awakened a few hours later at 6.50am by her mother who gave the bad news that her cousin, Hannah had passed away 5 minutes ago.. feelin sad, yet in disbelief she turned over to go back to sleep, but she cudnt. this was reality.

she showered n changed n saw her dad crying as he called other relatives as well. They quickly left the house to go comfort her grandparents.. as they reached the house, they saw tat other family members were there too, n as they got out of the car, they cud hear her grandparents wailing even from outside...

Still feeling surreal, she held her breath n went inside, but nothin cud prepare her for wat she was about to see.. her grandma was sobbing terribly while family surrounded her, but her grandpa.... her grandpa was the one who brought her to reality, the one who made her tears flow... To see the man who was always so tough, the man who fought againts the Communist n the Japanese in the war, sitting down n lookin up n just sobbing was one of the things that she'll never forget.. ever.. the look on his face could only be summed up by the words 'grief but most of all, LOST...' he just looked so, soo lost as he cried n repeated "she's gone ma.. she's gone.." as she hugged him, it was then that her tears couldn't be stopped, it was then that it sunk in that Hannah was gone..

Family members came thru out the whole day to offer condolences, support and to grieve as well.. Fresh tears just kept coming to her, she cudnt help it... They all then heard from an aunt in New Zealand who was there wit the family. Apparently Hannah's family- Uncle Roydon (her dad), Hem achi (her mom) and Caleb (her bro) were all with Hannah the whole night crying as Hannah was going.. Before she went her eyes were closed, but tears were slowly trickling down her ever beautiful face, aware of her family's pain.. at 10.32am local time, she took her last breath and left them, accompanied by her angels to be with God..

A few days before she left, she had whispered to her mother saying 'my house in Heaven is ready! my mansion is ready!' to which her mother replied, 'are you sure? i dont think so, u still have a lot to do here! u still have to go back to Malaysia in September n eat n shop remember?', but Hannah was sure it was ready.. Hannah even said that there were angels by her bedside, singing to her.. .... upon hearing this, everyone knew that Hannah was finally in a better place with no suffering, she was in paradise! Yet this didnt stop her family's weeping and pain.. Her parents and brother stayed wit her body and cried for a long time..

Kelsey had time to think about all this... she cried even more... She cried tears of sadness for losing Hannah, she cried alot, but she cried mostly for the family.. she cried so much at the thought of her uncle,aunt, cousin and grandparents.. what must it feel like to go thru this, she cant imagine.. this was the 1st time she had ever had to deal with the death of a loved one, other than her precious hamsters when she was 12, of course.. she felt so worried n sad for her aunt who cared for Hannah 24/7 and looked after her the whole time, and who also was takin it badly.. she cried for them..

but then, the tears stopped after a while.. it stopped when she thought about all the people who had been praying and supporting Hannah thru out the ordeal.. she thought about every single visitor, be it a minute, an hour, a day, or a month, who went to see Hannah and support her.. she thought about the amount of lives that Hannah had touched and made an impact on.. she thought about how ppl she's never even met cared about her, she thought about how Hannah would still tease n joke wit her grandpa even when she was sick.. and then she thought about the fact that now Hannah was no longer in pain, she was now in paradise, talking and walking with Jesus and looking down on us.. and she smiled..

she still doensn't know what God's plan is, and why did He make this happen, but she knows that He works in mysterious ways and that whatever He puts her & them thru, He will be there, every step of the way, taking them and guiding them thru it..she also knows that one day she'll get her chance to ask God this question and hear his answer... she now prays for guidance and strength for her family members, and that they will be alright in due time..she also knows that Hannah is now listening to all of this and that makes her smile even more.. she now talks to Hannah in her prayers..

yes, tears still do stream down her face, every now and then, but she knows that one day she'll get her chance to see Hannah's stunningly beautiful face, hug her, joke and laugh wit her in Heaven... it is only a matter of time..

and that, is what SHE is sure of....