Saturday, October 18, 2008


we're gonna try again....

you may choose to think whatever you want to about me, but this is really how I feel-

He didnt do anything wrong lately, maybe it was a long time coming, but he's been such a sweetheart lately, but I just tumbled into this whirlwind of doubt and Im finding it hard to climb out.

Its not that I doubt him, I doubt myself, I doubt my willingness, I doubt my heart.. I wanna be happy and I wanna try, but Im just finding it so hard..

Maybe It's just this phase Im going thru, Im growing up, and Im changing. Its nothing to do with him, its just me. as lame and corny as tat may sound to you, that IS honestly how I feel.

All I needed was a break to fall back, head over heels in love again. but maybe tats just too hard.

N when we finally talked bout pullin the plug, I somehow couldn't let go?? I don't get me, sometimes, I dont get myself... I find myself thinkin of the future, and where this relationship is really going... all I see is fog... yet I cant seem to let go.

Its not that I Dont wanna try, I honestly do, Im just finding it hard, im drowning in this whirlwind of change and self-reflection.. i dunno...

But anyway, we talked n alot of tears were flowing, were gonna try again... So cross ur fingers and wish me luck!

(although I know tat my family members prolly r prayinf for it to end. wat else is new. honestly- if me n him are over, im bloody turnin into a lesbian, lets see how they like that!)

Dookie, (or Pooper as I now frequently call it)- is still super adorable, but ohmygoodness, it astonishes me to see how much poo can come out from tat lil fuzz-ball! hahaha! its constantly eating, n when i took away the food for a bit, it started nibblin the newspaper.. '_'

thank God its cute. hahaha