Some Kinda Secret I'll Share With You

I need you more than anything in my life,

I want you more than anything in my life,

I'll miss you more than anyone in my life,

I love you more than anyone in my life...

-Something About Us by Daft Punk-

Happy 3 years and 8 months anniversary Mookie Boo!

*BUNNY*

The Week

Sorry again for neglecting the blog, I've just been a bit too busy to post things.. Wat with work and bumming and taking care of Pooper (yes, i think tat name is gonna stick!)..

Buutttt 1st n foremost, wishing my Mookie a HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! :D ur getting older!! quit growing up!! I shall have to be pickin out gray hairs anytime soon, LOL! =D

Talk about an incredibly HISTORICAL week!!! it was great great great!

unless u've been living under a rock, ud addy know by now that BARRACK OBAMA was elected as the 44th President of the USA n the first ever Black president!!! :D this makes me n the rest of the world (xcept Republicans so so happy!!) He's definitely the change that America needs who will help clean up the mess Bush left... I cant wait to visit OBAMALAND again!!! whoohoo!!

2ndly - ICKY got owned on his bday! hahahaha my American stomach (the bottomless pit) has opened up this week! I ate a TON of food yesterday at Tony Roma's n I so totally beat his butt at it! hahahha owned sial!!! :D this is truly history, as he normally finishes everything.. hehe n then just now I had Nasi Lemak Ayam at Darus and a Paper Thosai as well... hehehe... :D

3rdly - shoot shoot shoot!!! Shot with Raja for his assignment this morning, and it was cool. He had to do an Aquarius/water movement shoot, so it was quite a challenge la, but funny nonetheless!

n then shot wit Bibo!! we did something so awesome!! Presenting....

SAMURAI WARRIOR!!

I am happy! now....... to get back to work.... @#*$(&)#$!!!($&$

*BUNNY HAIIIYAAAA!!!*

Dearest

(ur listening to I Remember - Deadmau5 ft. Kaskade!)

My dear love,

Its reaching that time of the year again where I have to rack my brains and think of what to get for u... Ur turning 22 on the 6th, wow so old la!!

I still remember u coming for my 16th birthday party! hahaha, we flirted like mad on that day! n you were only 19 years old then, but look now, IM 19 this year.. :)
can u imagine how different ur life would have been if we had never gotten together? ..... I cant..

We've come through soo many challenges throughout this entire 3 years 6 months and 26 days.. so many crazy challenges, that we somehow found ourselves being pulled away from each other, yet my fingertips never fail to find yours and we somehow manage to hold on and pull ourselves back to one another..

It seems like we're going through one of those major thunderstorms again, huh? hmm.. its definitely blowing like mad on my side here.. nevertheless, i still feel your finger tips grazing my skin, and I am deeply longing to find that spark in me to jump and grab ur hand that your holding out to me...

I will.. one day when I get my strength back.. till then, I feel you lingering and Im loving you.. You said once that you just want to be holding on to me, keeping me safe and shielding me from danger.. n you also said that you'l hold on to me until Im ready to fly away...

Baby, I cant seem to pull myself away from you, even though the future is cloudy, I just cant seem to pull away, you have bewitched me- mind, body and soul and I am hooked...

I dont even know why Im writing this... I guess this is just me trying to reassure you that I know you're here and I feel you always... This thunderstorm has us both feeling so lost, but let's pull through it.. k? I'll see you on the other side! :) and I know it doesn't seem like it, but I love you..

*BUNNY*

So..

we're gonna try again....

you may choose to think whatever you want to about me, but this is really how I feel-

He didnt do anything wrong lately, maybe it was a long time coming, but he's been such a sweetheart lately, but I just tumbled into this whirlwind of doubt and Im finding it hard to climb out.

Its not that I doubt him, I doubt myself, I doubt my willingness, I doubt my heart.. I wanna be happy and I wanna try, but Im just finding it so hard..

Maybe It's just this phase Im going thru, Im growing up, and Im changing. Its nothing to do with him, its just me. as lame and corny as tat may sound to you, that IS honestly how I feel.

All I needed was a break to fall back, head over heels in love again. but maybe tats just too hard.

N when we finally talked bout pullin the plug, I somehow couldn't let go?? I don't get me, sometimes, I dont get myself... I find myself thinkin of the future, and where this relationship is really going... all I see is fog... yet I cant seem to let go.

Its not that I Dont wanna try, I honestly do, Im just finding it hard, im drowning in this whirlwind of change and self-reflection.. i dunno...

But anyway, we talked n alot of tears were flowing, were gonna try again... So cross ur fingers and wish me luck!

(although I know tat my family members prolly r prayinf for it to end. wat else is new. honestly- if me n him are over, im bloody turnin into a lesbian, lets see how they like that!)

Dookie, (or Pooper as I now frequently call it)- is still super adorable, but ohmygoodness, it astonishes me to see how much poo can come out from tat lil fuzz-ball! hahaha! its constantly eating, n when i took away the food for a bit, it started nibblin the newspaper.. '_'

thank God its cute. hahaha

*BUNNY*

Empty Streets

the city feels clean this time of night,
just empty streets,
and me walking home to clear my head,
i know it came as no surprise,
i'm affected more than i had guessed on what was said,

if the smile's not meant to be,
if the heart's not ready to open
if we make it i won't see it's broken,

if the smile's not meant to be,
if the heart's not ready to open
if we make it i won't see how it's broken

it's the quiet time before the dawn
and i'm half past making sense of it,
was i wrong?
should i claim to give it all
in a world where not much ever seems to last long

if the smile's not meant to be,
if the heart's not ready to open
if we make it i won't see it's broken,

if the smile's not meant to be,
if the heart's not ready to open
if we make it i won't see how it's broken
how it's broken....

-Late Night Alumni- Empty Streets-

I choose to immerse myself in my work and music right now. It is my sanctuary and my place of comfort for now..

*Kelsersss*

Strange

I had a great day.. Filled with fun and joy and excitement...

.....yet something is wrong....

Something is not right..

and i dont understand why-I dont get it.

It seems like everything is..... blur... or faded.. and I am somewhat numb....

:(

Im so confused right now...

Everything seems good.... Heck, things are good.....

..............................but then why dont I feel good??

*KELSEY*

A Taste..

.. of things yet to come..



Im livid with happiness and satisfaction when I see these new shots!!! :D They're fun and I loved doing the shoot tat day, I felt like I really challenged myself and tried so many different poses and looks, and the end result: Great! :)
*Hippies Couture*

Im glad tat Bibs & I managed to have fun, experiment (lol! he painted the green stuff at first!), and we got some good shots! hehe! can't wait to get more pics from him bout the other concepts that we tried!!!!
*VoGuE**Envy-outtake*
EXCITEDNESS!!!!!!!!!

oh n if u Haven't voted for me yet, PLEASE DO SO!!! I really wanna win this competition, I know it may be silly to some, but I've just always dreamed of being in Seventeen Magazine since I was 14, and... I just need this to happen so badly..... this could be a stepping stone for things to come...

SO PLEASE VOTE FOR ME for the Animax-Seventeen Model Search on http://animaxyouthfestival.thestar.com.my

My darlingness Icky and his party didn't win the MUSA elections this year.... suucckkss big time... they only managed to get bout 7 posts i think.. ahh screw tat blog man. all the lies and hate in it were all mainly directed to one person, and the current party, and somehow innocent people get dragged into tat mess and this is the result.. aisshhh..

oh well, Icky's handling it well, he knows its nothing he can help, plus now he'll have more time for everything else and most of all, more time with me! :) gotta say la, I really did want him to win, badly, but all this MUSA stuff was taking a toll on our relationship..... Quality time is important la............ so maybe this is for the best? as far as I know, he's ok..

DONT WORRY BABE, I'LL TREAT YOU RIGHT! =D

and now he can concentrate on his studies more as well as his music!! :) I've asked Rueben annai's friend, Adrian if he cud help out wit Icky's music and he said sure! so gotta get Icky to give him some of his stuff! :)

Anyhow, I went to the JoJoBa Spa in Times Square again yesterday! had 60% discount so yeah! took the 2 hour Ultimate Indulgence Spa which includes;

-Aromatherapy Massage, Ear Candling, Facial, Eye Mask & Ginger Tea....

oh goodness, it was soooooo good. n i slept off again! ahhhh... came back feeling all refreshed and oily and nice! lol!

*BUNNY*

Shoot & Speak!

So i had another shoot with Bibo today at college and it was partly for Pooven's make up assignment! wow! today was...... exhilarating!!!! we did 7 different concepts!! it was everything from simple, to artistic, to glam, to happy then to fierce.. i feel soo 'accomplished' today!! LOL

shot like 500 shots man, n boy did we manage to get some GREAT ones! =D tee-hee!! im happy!!!

will get the shots soon n post em! im super excited!!

*my cutie*

Also, Icky my hunny-ness-ness-ness is running for President of the Monash Uni Student Council (MUSA) and he is representing the SPEAK party! he is currently the Vice-Pres of MUSA. So I think that he's been doing a Great job so far campaining and all tat jazz, he's got a great party and I think that they're definately ready to lead MUSA on! :)

He'll make a great President, only thing is that recently a lot of controversial crap has been happening with a blog formed to boycott SPEAK, just because the author of the blog (remains anon) has some personal hatred towards the current President of MUSA. stupid idiot man. behaving so childish and blaming others just bcoz he has some vendetta against 1 person, he tries to smear other ppl's name in mud.

But anyway. Listening to Icky tat day during his Presidential nominee speech and watching the debate between him, his VPs and the other party, honestly, I was blown away! really. and im not saying this just because I'm his girlfriend, Im saying this as an observer and he freakin brought the house down man!! with his presence, the way he stayed composed even tho the mike kept dying, his command, his speech and his confidence just SCREAMED -PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!! the other party kept stumbling and they didnt make any sort of impact. this round, they fell flat.

*the best pic of them all! Icky& Tristan Annai!*

its amazing u know.. just when u think u know a person, they suprise u! we just celebrated our 3years & 5months anniversary on that day, and on that very day, I saw a whole different side of my boyfriend. I saw a man.

And if he doesnt win this, Monash is gonna be really, really and I mean really losing out on the Best. Damn. Thing. that cud ever happen to them!

so good luck babe! YOU WILL FOREVER BE MY PRESIDENT! *but dont forget, no matter how big & legendary you may be, I'll always the President of you! lol! ;p

SO PLEASE STILL VOTE FOR ME for the ANIMAX-SEVENTEEN Model Search contest!! I've got till 15th Sept, before voting closes! so please please please spread the word for me and vote vote vote!! get ur frens, ur family, ur cat to vote!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://animaxyouthfestival.thestar.com.my/

*BUNNY*

Fallin

I keep on fallin' in and out

of love with you

Sometimes I love you

Sometimes you make me blue

Sometimes I feel good

At times I feel used

Loving you darling

Makes me so confused

I keep on fallin'

in and out of love with you

I never loved someone

the way that I loved you,

Oh oh oh,

I never felt this way

How do you give me so much pleasure

And cause me so much pain,

yea yea'

Cause when I think

I'm taking more than would a fool

And I start fallin'

back in love with you

Oh babe..... how do u play with my feelings like this?

sigh.... its during that time of the month again where all my hormones start going wild and starts traumatising me again.. but babe dear where are you? im feeling lonely.. emotionally and physically.. and it's driving me crazy..

I hate PMS. its all a cow.

*BUNNY*

Larut

Mungkin aku juga pernah merasakan cinta,
Tapi tak pernah seindah ini,
Mungkin aku juga pernah merasakan rindu,
Tapi tak pernah sedalam ini.

Mungkin kamu takkan pernah percaya,
bahwa aku sesungguhnya,
aku telah terjatuh,

akui aku telah larut,
larut ke dalam kamu,
yang ku cintai....

This beautiful song is by the Indonesian band, Dewa 19 and the song is called 'Larut'. wow.. its beautiful! it basically means that

'Maybe I've felt love before, but never as beautiful as this,
Maybe I've felt longing before, but never as deep as this,

Maybe you'll not believe that I've fallen for you...

I admit, that I've dissolved into you, into you that I love...'

hmm it may not sound as deep once i translate it, but its so beautiful! its as if he's saying that he's so in love that he's become like one with her... :) *sccchhwweett*

*BUNNY woves ICKY*

The O.C

I've been a fan of The O.C since its very 1st episode! I feel like i kinda 'grew' thru my mid teens years with it. Ive been a faithful fan ever since n watched every single episode from every season!

one of the major reasons why I love the OC is coz of its excellent choice of songs at the very best moments, i honestly have no idea how they manage to get it 100% right every single time! :) I've collected all 6 Volumes of the Music From The O.C albums! :) n each of the songs remind me of a special scene in the show, n whenever i hear some of them again, i also remember exactly how i was feelin when i first watched/heard it!

So i've decided to compile my TOP 4 Best Music Moments from The OC!! watch em all n see wat i mean! :) they're magical!

#4) Imogen Heap- Hide & Seek. played during Caleb's funeral.


#3) Matt Pond PA - Champagne Supernova. the classic 'seth cohen- spiderman kiss!'


#2) Jem- Maybe I'm Amazed. during the wedding at the last episode of the 1st season.


and for my ultimate fav yang 'tak boleh belah' till today is......

#1) Finley Quay & Will Orbit - Dice. final moments before NYs where Ryan rushes to kiss Marissa!


i also think that part of the magic comes from being an avid fan of the show, u get wats goin on. nevertheless, if u ever come across Music From The OC: Volume 1,4 & 5, u shud get em! they're my fav! :)

*BUNNY*

Help....

I need somebody, help!

I've been feeling like complete crap.. Last night n today, just pure unadulterated crap. My heart feels like its breaking from all the hurt its gettin......... i just feel so..... i cant even describe it...

Im not in control of this anymore, its out of my hands n i just dont know what is gonna happen wit us.. :'( i feel so useless, so stupid...

u know i absolutely love the pure thrill of being in control of my pain. why else do u think im fascinated by piercings n tattoos? altho i have no tattoos i think part of why emo ppl get it is to know tat they r in control of their pain, n somehow i totally get that. To know that no one else can hurt u as bad as u can hurt urself is pure assurance. its power and control but most of all, its a shield that u can hold from the rest of the world.

i really think i need to talk to someone. the only person in my family who I'll talk to freely is miles away in a different country.. i want a person who'd care..

*KELS*

My Love, My Life

I know one day there will come a time,
Different beliefs would draw the line,
But rest assured we'll both be fine,
You'll have your heaven I'll have mine,

Although it feels we're not allowed,
Just know that love's what it's about,
We'll work it out, I say it proud,
You are my soulmate, there's no doubt,

Can't see my life without you babe,
Can't remember life before your name,
Can't let you go when you feel the same,
I fear my mind would go insane,

Let's not just leave, baby let's stay,
Why let this love pass through our way?
I don't wanna look back and say,
What if you were my wife today...

Although you say with me you're through,
You're done with calling me your boo,
Just know that one thing will stay true,
Love of my life will always be you...

-Icky

He wrote this for me last year, while things were rocky between us... I guess lookin back on it made me cry and realize how much he truly loves me, and how much i truly love him... He's the sweetest! :)

Yesterday, the 21st indicated that Hannah has been gone for 1 month addy.. its hard to believe how fast time flies by. And i guess I've also been thinkin alot bout how we never know when our time is over....

We never really know whether we have just a few more days left, or months or years.. life is just way too unpredictable and short! Hannah's life had just only begun n yet she was taken away, makes me think alot about all the stuff tat i've accomplished/want to accomplish in my life.

You know, my family has never once, in the 3 years & 3 months of our relationship, ever liked the fact that im with Icky! the reason: because he's Malay. yes. my family is just like tat n that makes me so sad. The best part is they have been trying soo incredibly hard to break us up, they dont allow us to go out n they pray for us not to be together. And they say that they'll disown if i ever marry him! tats incredibly messed up.

They say tat they know tat "it wont work out n tat they dont want me gettin to serious, n that im still so young , oh! they dont want me to convert to a Muslim". Fine. i get it la, to be honest i completely understand why they are so worried, i understand, but wat i dont get is the fact tat they just cant realize that I AM HAPPY!

I am! n if they r so sure tat it will never work out then why r they so worried, just leave it be la, kan? I wish for once that they would just stop being selfish and start thinkin about how I feel, how Im taking this. I've finally found a GREAT guy who just loves me and worships me for me, and i do the same for him. He keeps me safe, he treats me right, he tells me when i've done wrong, he never fails to correct me, he advices me, he helps me, he makes sure that i dont get sucked into a hell-hole of smoking and drugs. He keeps ME SAFE. without him in my life right now, honest to blog, id be some shit-headed alcoholic pot smoking slut. i would. but i am NONE of those things, not even close, bcoz of this guy who protects me and wants wats good for me.

The zany thing is that my family has NEVER ONCE taken the time to meet him and get to know him, they have never invited him over for lunches or wtv the way they did to my cousin's Indian bf. Honestly, i tell you right now, if they had gotten to know him and like had him over for 6 months or 1 year, and by then if they STILL didnt like him, then id listen to what they were saying and i'd end it. BUT HOW DO THEY EXPECT ME TO DO SO WHEN THEY WONT EVEN TAKE THE INITIATIVE TO GET TO KNOW HIM??? how can i listen to a word they say?

i love my family, i've always admitted it, but i stand here today, 19 years of age and sadly admit that my own flesh and blood do not even know who I am. They say that im stubborn, n darn right i am! im one stubborn girl, since a toddler, every1 will say, I've always had to do things my way even tho ppl told me not to and I always learnt it BY MYSELF. if i made a mistake, i learnt it. but wit me is tat ive always been that spirit who just needs to do something so tat no matter what they consequences were, i can look back being proud of the fact that I HAD THE GUTS TO TAKE THAT RISK. n they shud also know by now that when it comes to me; the harder they try to pull away, the harder i'll cling on to.

Like i said before, i dunno whats gonna happen wit me n Mal, u can never plan these things. what life has in store for us, i dunno, maybe we'll break up soon, maybe in years or maybe never. I DONT KNOW!!!

all i do know is this: I have one life. And i dunno when it will be my time, but all i know is that im living it for me and I. AM. HAPPY! Im so happy to be with him, why be miserable when i can just be happy?? I know they love me, but if they really want to do wats right, they'd be happy for me and just accept it.

tats all i ask for. this is my life, please let me make my decisions, you can advice me but ultimately, please let me feel the joys or pain of the decisions i make. Know that I am capable of celebrating all my life's happiness and even more capable of cutting myself and letting it heal. One Life. One Chance. Thats It.

*Kelsey Brown*