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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

My Love, My Life


I know one day there will come a time,
Different beliefs would draw the line,
But rest assured we'll both be fine,
You'll have your heaven I'll have mine,

Although it feels we're not allowed,
Just know that love's what it's about,
We'll work it out, I say it proud,
You are my soulmate, there's no doubt,

Can't see my life without you babe,
Can't remember life before your name,
Can't let you go when you feel the same,
I fear my mind would go insane,

Let's not just leave, baby let's stay,
Why let this love pass through our way?
I don't wanna look back and say,
What if you were my wife today...

Although you say with me you're through,
You're done with calling me your boo,
Just know that one thing will stay true,
Love of my life will always be you...


-Icky

He wrote this for me last year, while things were rocky between us... I guess lookin back on it made me cry and realize how much he truly loves me, and how much i truly love him... He's the sweetest! :)
Yesterday, the 21st indicated that Hannah has been gone for 1 month addy.. its hard to believe how fast time flies by. And i guess I've also been thinkin alot bout how we never know when our time is over....

We never really know whether we have just a few more days left, or months or years.. life is just way too unpredictable and short! Hannah's life had just only begun n yet she was taken away, makes me think alot about all the stuff tat i've accomplished/want to accomplish in my life.

You know, my family has never once, in the 3 years & 3 months of our relationship, ever liked the fact that im with Icky! the reason: because he's Malay. yes. my family is just like tat n that makes me so sad. The best part is they have been trying soo incredibly hard to break us up, they dont allow us to go out n they pray for us not to be together. And they say that they'll disown if i ever marry him! tats incredibly messed up.

They say tat they know tat "it wont work out n tat they dont want me gettin to serious, n that im still so young , oh! they dont want me to convert to a Muslim". Fine. i get it la, to be honest i completely understand why they are so worried, i understand, but wat i dont get is the fact tat they just cant realize that I AM HAPPY!
I am! n if they r so sure tat it will never work out then why r they so worried, just leave it be la, kan? I wish for once that they would just stop being selfish and start thinkin about how I feel, how Im taking this. I've finally found a GREAT guy who just loves me and worships me for me, and i do the same for him. He keeps me safe, he treats me right, he tells me when i've done wrong, he never fails to correct me, he advices me, he helps me, he makes sure that i dont get sucked into a hell-hole of smoking and drugs. He keeps ME SAFE. without him in my life right now, honest to blog, id be some shit-headed alcoholic pot smoking slut. i would. but i am NONE of those things, not even close, bcoz of this guy who protects me and wants wats good for me.

The zany thing is that my family has NEVER ONCE taken the time to meet him and get to know him, they have never invited him over for lunches or wtv the way they did to my cousin's Indian bf. Honestly, i tell you right now, if they had gotten to know him and like had him over for 6 months or 1 year, and by then if they STILL didnt like him, then id listen to what they were saying and i'd end it. BUT HOW DO THEY EXPECT ME TO DO SO WHEN THEY WONT EVEN TAKE THE INITIATIVE TO GET TO KNOW HIM??? how can i listen to a word they say?

i love my family, i've always admitted it, but i stand here today, 19 years of age and sadly admit that my own flesh and blood do not even know who I am. They say that im stubborn, n darn right i am! im one stubborn girl, since a toddler, every1 will say, I've always had to do things my way even tho ppl told me not to and I always learnt it BY MYSELF. if i made a mistake, i learnt it. but wit me is tat ive always been that spirit who just needs to do something so tat no matter what they consequences were, i can look back being proud of the fact that I HAD THE GUTS TO TAKE THAT RISK. n they shud also know by now that when it comes to me; the harder they try to pull away, the harder i'll cling on to.
Like i said before, i dunno whats gonna happen wit me n Mal, u can never plan these things. what life has in store for us, i dunno, maybe we'll break up soon, maybe in years or maybe never. I DONT KNOW!!!

all i do know is this: I have one life. And i dunno when it will be my time, but all i know is that im living it for me and I. AM. HAPPY! Im so happy to be with him, why be miserable when i can just be happy?? I know they love me, but if they really want to do wats right, they'd be happy for me and just accept it.

tats all i ask for. this is my life, please let me make my decisions, you can advice me but ultimately, please let me feel the joys or pain of the decisions i make. Know that I am capable of celebrating all my life's happiness and even more capable of cutting myself and letting it heal. One Life. One Chance. Thats It.

*Kelsey Brown*

6 comments:

HunsBuns said...

just stay strong =)

mello said...

i loved this post because i totally got where you were coming from and can relate . i feel your pain but it's good that you haven't let the negativity in at all . keep fighting and stay strong , kel belle [= it'll be fine in time .

Kelsey Bunny said...

thanks so much for ur support guys.. its hard, but i really do try to keep it together.. :) much love xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Actually, if a muslim man marries a non-muslim woman, SHE doesn't have to convert.

Just thought i'd let you know.

Anonymous said...

to anonymous #1: it's not like that lah. if u are an indonesian citizen, or from any other country, then u can do like that.

but here in malaysia, under the malaysian law, it is different. u STILL have to convert to ur man's religion.

even if in malaysia u find that there's a couple that the man is a muslim and the woman is still with her religion, probably they got married in overseas.

it's the law from each countries that differ.

come on anonymous#1, get ur facts right. this is a serious matter.

:)

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